SHE WROTE on her official handle
SATIRICAL APOLOGY LETTER
From the Desk of Senator Natasha Akpoti Uduaghan
Dear Distinguished Senate President Godswill Akpabio,
With the deepest layers of sarcasm and theatrical regret, I hereby extend my most dramatic apology—for the grievous offense of carrying myself with dignity and self-respect in your most revered presence.
After much reflection, I now understand the gravity of my sin: failing to grasp that, in certain circles, legislative achievements are not borne out of merit, but rather through unwavering compliance—especially of the more… personal variety.
How foolish of me not to recognize that rejecting your “requests” was not just a personal boundary, but apparently a violation of an invisible constitution written by entitled men. I apologize sincerely for placing competence above submission, vision above vanity, and the people’s will above backroom dinners and whispered promises.
Alas, my audacity has caused great harm—legislation has stalled, egos have been bruised (some so large they demand their own postal codes), and the sacred rhythm of “quid pro quo” has been tragically disrupted.
For all this, I bow my head—in fictional shame—and beg your benevolence. May you find, somewhere buried beneath the layers of privilege and entitlement, the grace to forgive a woman who believed her Senate seat was won at the ballot box… not in the bedroom.
Yours, in perpetual defiance,
Senator Natasha H. Akpoti Uduaghan
Unafraid. Unbought. Unbroken
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